Sorry it's been like 2 weeks since I've written anything. It has been a busy few weeks; homework, decisions, helping people with decisions, and just people in general. This last week has been good. I have been at peace with things. I was reminded of a quote the other day:
And I feel like this is something that I truly do need to remember. So often I can't wait to "get on with life" and have fun but in reality. . . what is in front of me now is just as good as what the future may hold. I can't live waiting for days ahead because then I will miss out on the days now.
In class the other day, my teacher had us watch a TED talk by Brene Brown. She discussed The Price of Invulnerability; how our world has become intolerant to vulnerability and how this has negatively effected everyone's lives. Symptoms include: business, numbness, perfection, and disappointment with life, etc. And she said one thing that really stood out to me. "In this world, somehow an ordinary life has become synonymous with a meaningless life. And so often we are missing what is truly important because we are on a quest for what is extraordinary, not understanding, that in our ordinary lives, in the ordinary moments of our lives, is really where we can find the most joy."
So often I don't stop to admire the world and the days around me and I truly contemplate if these are the moments I fall into deep depression.
But then I ask myself. What does it really mean to enjoy the time today and find joy in the most seemingly meaningless areas of life? I love what one of my friend's often likes to say "Prepare for the worst but hope for the best." Once we do that are we then able to truly focus on the present? Or is enjoying our time now simply disregarding the future and living in the moment regardless of the outcomes or consequences of our actions? I believe this is rash and somewhat immature. What if enjoying life was simply accepting the place we are now and acknowledging the many futures that could arise from now but not sitting and planning your life around that unknown future?
I read a good quote yesterday by Eleanor Roosevelt and it truly stuck with me, "Smart people discuss ideas. Average people discuss events. Stupid people discuss people." What if that also has to do with finding the joy in the ordinary? To discuss life, ideas, and questions instead of trying to make the ordinary extraordinary through gossip or discussion of others?
Living in the present though is something I find so difficult at times. . . easier said then done that's for sure. There are always those questions on my mind of what if? But I find that the few moments I am able to fully enjoy the here and now, I am the most happiest I have ever been. My smiles are sincere, my eyes shine with hope, love, and joy, and my body feels refreshed and energized. It is an at peace happiness where if you could change anything about the moment, you would choose not to. I have had a few of these moments in the past week. One of them was in the arms of my boyfriend the other night after I had become very irritated with him for absolutely no reason and I had no idea what the reason was. But anyways. The fact that he even wanted to touch me and wrap his arms around me after that made me feel even worse for the irritation I had held towards him. I felt a warmth in my heart for him and tears almost flooded my eyes for how I had been. I had such a weird experience though. I felt so happy and couldn't stop smiling at him. All I wanted was to stay there. No thoughts crossed my mind. I was completely absorbed in the present moment. No lists of things I had to do, no people problems I had to solve, no feelings other than contentment crossed my mind. I lost track of all sense of everything. I thought, when I became aware that I was thinking nothing, that if I died now, I would die happy and content.