Hope

Sorry that it has been about a month since I posted. It has been a rocky, rough past couple of weeks. I had a mental breakdown a little over a week ago and am still recovering from it. This past month was rough in every sense of the word and never had I felt so alone. It came to a breaking point where I realized there was nothing I wanted to live for anymore. Again, I was brought to that place of desperation, hopelessness, and loss. It scared me. And not because of the feelings. It scared me because it felt all too familiar. It felt too known and too understood. It scared me because I realized that over the past few years, I really hadn't come as far as I believed or hoped I had. My boyfriend found out the following day and decided that he wasn't going to talk to me for the rest of the day until I told someone.

Obviously I know what you're thinking. Seriously? Why would you just stop talking to an extremely depressed, borderline suicidal person? I don't know. And I don't care what his reasons were but I definitely let him know how much it hurt.
I did end up talking to my parents though. They know my past but they didn't really think anything was continuing or was as bad as it had been. But I made sure they knew it never really ended. We discussed plans of action and things and after a trip to the doctor, I am now on a high dosage of vitamin D (since I was very deficient) and a bunch of other random supplements and vitamins. And I am now to give it 12 weeks. If things don't work well, then I'm to go back in and discuss depression medications and other options.

This past week was semi-refreshing. It has been an interesting week. But I have to say I have been blessed by people. My first day back from break I ran into literally every person I know on campus (which honestly is not very many but still). The rest of the week I keep seeing people and I have been staying in fairly good communication with others so as to not be alone. This past week-end I got to hang out with my boyfriend for the first time in awhile and it was nice. One of the first times in the past few months where we weren't fighting and were actually happy.


So ya. That was the month of March in a nutshell for ya'll.

Peace.

"A man begins to die when he ceases to expect anything from Tomorrow." ~ Abraham Miller