Memories

November 6th, and was welcomed this morning by the crisp, wet whiteness that is always accompanied by the first snow fall of the year. Hard to believe we are approaching the end of another year and starting to welcome in the next one. This year has seemed to fly by faster then any other before it and I ask myself why that is. Is it because I was finally able to experience the life I had always wanted to? Was it because I actually enjoyed almost everyday instead of wishing and waiting for better ones ahead? Or maybe it was simply because I had so much happening that time just flew by. Either way this year has brought so much to my life and now it is slowly ending. I was filled with a bitter sweetness this morning of my past year; of the people I have left behind or more truthfully, have left me behind; of the situations I was in and the things that occurred during these situations; of the healing that took place as well as the pain. I close my eyes and I can't even begin to tell you where each day ended and each day began. It's all a blur and a mixing pot of memories. I find as I get older, my memories slowly fade and as they fade so does my memory in general. I find it is growing exceedingly harder and harder to remember things that have happened in my life and I often wonder why that is. If it is my brain's own response to forgetting the past and creating a new, better future, or if instead it is my own awareness of my past that is slowly getting buried in the ruins of life. Either way, I find I live less and less in the past and part of that must be contributing to my forgetfulness. And I have a strange mix of emotions towards this. I have a melancholy feeling. One of sadness that I forget the happy and sad of my past but then happiness to the fact that I am no longer living out my life based on my past and instead in my present and future.